You know how in most families that chat via computer, there's always someone who LOVES forwards, and gets lots of them from his/her forward junkie friends? Well, my family has one of those types, and i won't say who because we all know. Unohoo.
I got a forward yesterday, it was semi-funny, so i'm going to post it. And since these forwards are never accredited to anyone, they just fly out of cyberspace, i'm only stealing from the last loser to recieve it. And that would be ME. So, here goes,
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA
1. Vancouver : 1.5 million people and two bridges. You do the math.2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.5. Weed.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA
1. Big rock between you and BC.2. Ottawa who?3. Tax is 5% instead of the approximately 200% it is for the rest of the country.4. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.5. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its own country.6. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN
1. You never run out of wheat.2. Your province is really easy to draw.3. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.4. People will assume you live on a farm.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA
1. You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly have a beachfront property.2. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.3. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.4. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.5. You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO
1. You live in the centre of the universe.2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.4. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC
1. Racism is socially acceptable.2. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move out next.3. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada .4. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo A*#!%!"
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK
1. One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income.2. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.3. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick .4. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA
1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't, think they can.2. You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get drunk and wear a kilt.3. You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island , you still got the big, new bridge.2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.3. You can drive across the province in two minutes.4. Everyone has been an extra on "Road to Avonlea."5. This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from.6. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.
TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND
1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea.2. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.3. The workday is about two hours long.4. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your wedding.
Let's face it, we're a rare breed.
BORED YET? Wanna be on unohoo's forward list? I'll bet YOUR life, you don't. Ta ta.
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OK! Heads up, all of you non-forwarders and let me carefully 'splain something to you! Youse are not the only brilliant bloggers out there in cyberspace. There are many others, I might say countless others, who dredge up excellent commentaries, including wortha1000words pictures, even VIDEOS! that have something to say, on countless issues, many of them rather hilarious, thought-provoking, or just genuinely human-interesting.
ReplyDeleteOK, I admit it....I DO GET A LOT OF FORWARDS FROM FRIENDS! When you get over the hill, Bill, there aren't skillions of little darlings milling about to rave about, so what do you turn to? To interesting things that increase your (a) lagging sense of humour, (b) your somewhat diminishing capabilities to realize there's another world out there, (3) your outright jealousy that you didn't have the expertise to write something as scintillating as contained in that forward you SAY YOU DESPISE! All those guilty, kindly remove your forward button, physically reject it from your computer. But please note the disclaimer, that you're also rejecting the opportunity to become a more knowledgeable and less boring resident of this earth.
Signed: Unohoo.
Hey I loved that. I'm still chortling.
ReplyDeletemom-you're hilarious, lady. you know i enjoy your forwards.
ReplyDeleteLinda rae-cool i can't remember the last time i chortled someone.
Linda rae-well, i mean me and unohoo. we could go on the road, but i don't like travelling.
ReplyDeleteIt's obvious I'm still a new import to the country because I only understood the BC, Alberta, and Newfie ones. That's okay, though. I'll learn.
ReplyDeleteCamille-don't bother, the rest is boring.
ReplyDelete